Mexican Food Has That Effect On Him
by Triforce Chica
Summary: [Dean x Cedric, slash, leans toward crack!fic] It had been two months since the Triwizard tournament ended, but Dean Thomas was convinced that Cedric was simply taking a very long trip to the bathroom.


Mexican Food Has That Effect on Him

Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling, not me.

Warning: This story involves a guy thinking about another guy IN THAT WAY. Don't like? Don't read. Actually, it's pretty innocent, but...still.

Note: This is an idea my friend came up with at two in the morning when we were making up stories to random pairings of Harry Potter. She wrote out my story involving Sirius and the Fat Lady, and now I'm writing hers involving Dean and Cedric. It's very AU-ish, and....yeah. It doesn't really make sense, but....just read it, ok? I'm going to stop rambling right now, and you're going to read it. BAH!

Features: Delusional!Dean, Insightful!Seamus, Angry!Cho and Dead!Cedric

It had been two months since the Triwizard tournament ended, but Dean Thomas was convinced that Cedric was simply taking a very long trip to the bathroom.

"It always happens when he eats Mexican food, I'm telling you. I always said, 'Cedric, you know what those burritos do to you,' but he never listens."

Seamus and the rest of the Gryffindors were at first surprised to learn that Dean and Cedric were even on speaking terms. Dean had never mentioned the older Hufflepuff even once before he went on his 'bathroom break'.

"Well," Dean said with a blush, "He wants to keep it a secret, but...well, since I already said that..." he looked down and fiddled with his robes. His sandy-haired friend looked on impatiently.

"Get on with it, Dean."

"See, it's because of Cho. He really likes her, but like a sister. That's what he told me, and he said he didn't want to hurt her, so he—"

"_Dean!_"

"Me and Cedric, we're seeing each other." Dean blurted out, and then looked very embarrassed. "Oh, man. He's going to kill me now."

Seamus crossed his arms and looked sadly at his friend. Every day, at least one person went up to Dean and told him very seriously, 'This needs to stop. Cedric's dead.' Dean, being Dean, just smiled at them and said kindly,

"It's not nice to joke about that sort of thing, now." Seamus figured that Dean's...slip from reality wasn't hurting him at all, as he still got good marks in class and enjoyed the weekend trips to Hogsmeade, so he decided to let Dean think that Cedric was alive. At least for now. Dean would figure it out on his own time. Perhaps it would hurt less that way.

"I met him at a Quiddich match." Dean continued to babble about Cedric as they sat down on a couch in the common room, "It was the one game where, you know – actually, I don't remember. I just remember _him_, sitting a row in front of me. Our team scored a point, and I jumped up cheering for them." Dean laughed, remembering. "I had popcorn on my lap, though, and when I jumped up it spilled on everyone in front of me. Cedric turned around, he was angry – but the sight of him on that day, with popcorn stuck in his hair – he was so adorable."

Dean got a faraway look in his eye, and sighed happily. Seamus prodded him with his finger.

"Uh, Dean?"

"Oh, sorry? What was I talking about?"

"Cedric."

"Right. After the match, I ran into him again and I think at that point we both knew – don't know how, but something was there. It was – " Dean fumbled to find the right words, "He made me _melt _inside. Just being around him – we haven't even _done _anything yet, you know? I want it to be perfect when we do, though. So he knows that I – I love him." his face grew scarlet with the realization. "I love him. _I_ love _Cedric_. ...I neve

You know, I'm going to go look for him. He's taking an awful long time in the bathroom." Dean got up from the couch and started walking towards the fat lady's backside. Before he left the tower, he turned around and looked at Seamus.

"Could you not tell anyone about– about me and Cedric? I don't think he'd like it."

"You can trust me, Dean. I won't tell."

"Thanks."

The black Londoner was wandering through the halls, obviously seeing no sign of Cedric. Damn those enchiladas...He was just wondering if Cedric was desperate enough to go into the girl's lavatories when he spotted Cho Chang coming back from the astronomy tower.

"_Cho!_" he waved her down. Cho saw the Gryffindor boy and a look of horror passed through her face. The past month, she had been pestered by the underclassman, who was always going up to her talking about 'Cedric this,' and 'Cedric that,' It wasn't a topic she wanted to dwell on, and for the longest time she wondered what this kid had to do with Cedric Diggory.

She walked up to Dean, wanting to get it over with quickly.

"Hey, have you seen Cedric?" Dean asked, smiling cheerfully. The thought of her late boyfriend upset Cho greatly, and tears began to form in her eyes as she stared at Dean angrily.

_SMACK_

The sound of Cho's hand making contact with Dean's face could be heard all throughout the corridor. Tears were flowing from her eyes as she stood, silent. Then she popped like an angry, Asian bubble.

"_You thick-headed twat!_" she yelled, "How many times do you have to hear it before you believe it?" Dean still looked at her surprisedly, his hand on his cheek.

"What are you talking about, Cho?"

"_CEDRIC . DIGGORY . IS . DEAD _. " she accentuated every word. Dean blinked a few times. Then he laughed, which infuriated Cho.

"Haha! No, he's in the bathroom. This always happens when he eats Mexican food." Cho growled frustratedly, and lifted Dean up by his shirt collar.

"He's been dead for a month. GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD! VOLDEMORT KILLED HIM! _He's not coming back!_" Cho screeched at the top of her lungs. Her yelling had garnered quite an audience, and kids were coming out of their classrooms to watch. Dean's delusions about Cedric were well known, and everyone wondered.

_'Is this the time? Will he finally understand?'_

Dean suddenly took on a very serious look, and glared at Cho.

"You're just mad, because he's cheating on you."

"Auuuuuuugh!" The Ravenclaw girl threw Dean on the ground and ran off, sobbing. Disappointed murmurs arose as the crowd surrounding him dispersed.

"Hm." Dean picked himself of the ground, "What a weird girl." Though the whole experience was very stressful for the artist, it's not every day a girl hits you they screams about your lover being killed by a dark lord after all, so Dean decided to take the long way back to Gryffindor tower.

As he was walking, Dumbledore's speech from the end of his fourth year came back to him.

_...Cedric Diggory was murdered by Lord Voldemort. It is my belief, however, that the truth is generally preferable to lies, and that any attempt to pretend that Cedric died as the result of an accident, or some sort of blunder of his own, is an insult to his memory..._

Dean froze in mid-walk. Why was he remembering that now?

_"He's DEAD, you TWAT! Murdered!"_ Cho's words rang in his head.

"No." He shook his head. "It's not true. It can't be. Cedric's not dead. He's alive, and any minute he's going to come up to me. And then, they'll see. They're all wrong. Cedric isn't dead." He kept repeating the idea to himself as he walked. Then he felt something wet land on his hand.

He looked up and found himself staring at a reddning sky. He somehow had wandered out onto the Quiddich field, and the sun was about to set. It was raining.

"Cedric's not dead, he's not dead." Dean told himself as he looked up into the stands. The truth hit him all at once like a hurricane and he felt the energy being sucked out of him. He collapsed to his knees and began to cry.

"He's not dead." then fell on all fours, his breathing becoming heavy and erratic –

"He's alive." touched his head to the muddy ground –

"He has to be because–" he grasped at the grass, the words he was saying becoming less believable with each passing second.

"–I love him."

Fin

Well, there ya go. Hmmm.... : That was weird to write. I've never really written angst before. Does this count as angst? Oh well, it wasn't my idea, so....my ideas are much more stupid, like Sirius stripping for The Fat Lady, which you can read on my friend's account, _fujisti tytghi_. It's titled, "Why Never to Trust a Painting" Review, and if you liked it thank _her_!


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